When Moms Attack

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There is something innately competitive in our human species that seems to be exacerbated by motherhood. I used to think that women only resented each other in the workplace, but since becoming a mother I think it might be something that happens in all places women interact – The boardroom, the sales floor, the playground and preschool. Unfortunately, in my experience it appears that women will take down other women without thinking twice.

As a working mom of 3 year old twins (who blogs in her ‘spare’ time) most days I feel lucky that I get out the door with appropriate clothes on, a coffee in hand and some idea of what I need to be doing that day. Admittedly my standards for personal appearance have declined greatly since having my boys. I try not to get involved in the constant banter at work of women competing to see who is ‘busier’ than the other, but last week at preschool I actually wanted to grab another woman and shake her.

I don’t live in a particularly affluent area, it is a rural small town and there is a proportionate cross section of all measures of wealth. But, there are two women at my boys’ preschool that are quite affluent. While there are days that I envy them and I turn green with jealousy, most days I don’t pay any particular attention to them.

Last week, as I struggled to get my two crying boys into preschool (I can’t even remember why they were crying) so I could get back to work on time I overheard these particular women discussing how ‘busy’ there were that day but thankful their nannies and housekeepers were taking care of their houses for them. Not wanting to engage in their talk I kept my head down and put shoes on my boys and sent them off to play. Then, as I stood up, one of them turned to me and said, “Kerrie, we decided you would run the Spring fundraising event this year. “ It was like the movies, everything went quiet. I stared at them stunned, not saying anything. Then, they said, “We’re too busy to do it.” And, that was when I had to hold myself back from engaging in any sort of violence.

There was a part of me that wanted to say okay, to please them, to hope that they’d be my friend if I said yes. But, thankfully, the exhausted, worn down part of me said, “Sorry, I can’t this year.” 

It was a huge milestone for me. I am not good at saying no. But I did. And, I didn’t resort to violence. It was a win-win.

Do you have experience with a situation like this one?

Kerrie blogs at Family Food and Travel.  She is a mom of twin boys (born March 2010) who she often refers to as the ‘twinado’.  Kerrie loves, writing, travel, photography, and fabulous food.  Prior to kids, Kerrie was an avid reader and scrapbooker and hopes to one day return to those activities.  Kerrie once considered herself successful, that was until she attempted toilet training twins.

Comments

  1. Good for you Kerrie, I am glad you stood your ground and did say NO. I always say that some people in this world ( just don't get it! ) Just keep your head held high and enjoy your own family, that's what's important. Have a great week.

  2. wisteriagirl says

    I am proud of you for staying strong and saying 'no'. This has taken me a few years of therapy to learn 😉

  3. Good for you Kerrie! I have problems saying no to people (Gingermommy knows that and has been training me otherwise *lol*). Also, I also cannot get the "competition" that seems to be ingrained in women..with all the problems that face us as a sex why are we like this? At the same time, don't men pretty much do it too? (thinking of politics etc.)

  4. Way to go Kerrie, both for saying No and for not throttling them! Friends will attest that I suck at saying, "No." I really wish I could somedays, so that maybe I can get some sleep, lol.
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  5. Oh good for you!! I totally am the type that would've said "OK" then came home and cried and threw up at the thought of all on my plate. Good for you.
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  6. multitestingmommy says

    Good for you , Kerrie! It is so hard to say no, but I'm glad you stood up to these ladies and looked out for #1!
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