The 4 Year old Bully


It has been one of those weeks.

Just as we think the school year is almost over. Just as we look back and feel good about all the accomplishments that our youngest has made. 

Just as I was about to say “it was a good year” We have a set back 

With much of our JK year it has been 1 step forward 2 steps back. It began with DD not liking the school bus. Then the long days were getting to be too much. The not being included in birthday parties was heartbreaking. As well the sad mornings on a Monday after she had not been to school in almost a week. 

See, DD is a young JK child. We had the option to keep her home this year but felt she was ready for school. Her birthday is much later in the year than many of the kids. So she is younger, smaller than most. The every other day , all day was a bit long and tiring at first. Now it seems to be okay. 

The issue we are having this month is the 4 year old bully in her class.

Yes I said 4 year old bully.

When I think of bully I think of the kid who likes to pick on others for being different. The teen who has issues and takes it our on others. The big kid or the kid who is not from a good home.

Our bully has a very different look. She is little and cute. Her family is nice and “normal” Yet she torments my daughter EVERY DAY!

Define Bully



  1. A person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.
Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.

Bullying may be defined as the activity of repeated, aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person

We thought we finally reached the milestone where DD wanted to ride the bus without her big bro beside her. She sat next to a little girl, waved good bye to me and drove off. That night she was sad. Turned out the little girl had taken her doll on the bus and kept it all day. The same girl stole her lunch snacks and gave them to another child. The same girl kicked my daughter out of the wagon at recess and continues to pick on her daily at school. 

I have called the school. We have spoken to the parents. This child has been picking on many children in the class. She is not a nice girl. I want to be angry for what she is putting my child through. I want to have something done about this. But she is 4. She is little and I can make up many excuses for her doing what she is doing. Her parents are split, she wants attention, she doesn’t know better. But really any excuse is just that, an excuse. And I do not like seeing my daughter sad. I do not like seeing my daughter afraid to go to school. My daughter who is a good kid. My daughter who is loving and gentle and kind. 

I have called the school and requested they be put in separate classes next year. But this child is still going to be acting this way to others. How can this behavior be stopped? It would be so much easier to be angry if she fit the stereotype of a bully. If she was big and mean and a teen I would have no problem being angry with her. But I see her and I feel there is something going on. I feel bad for her. I am torn. 

This morning was hard.

My daughter was sad and I had to really encourage her to get on the bus.

This morning was hard. We have two weeks of school left. 


I hope today is a better day. 

I hope next year is better.

How would you deal with this situation?


  1. mmmisformommy says

    Wow, this must be so hard. Chelsea doesn't start school until next September, but there is so much to worry about then that I've started early…

    Hugs to both and hope she makes it through the next couple of weeks okay… maybe the summer will do magic on both her and the lil' bully.

  2. My daughter is in SK, and doesn't get along at all with the girl (also SK) 2 houses down. They are flat out mean to one another. Since its pretty mutual (and I know and talk to that mom at least a couple times a week)I am not overly concerned. I have had to explain to my daughter that not everyone is going to be your beat friend, some people won't even like you. It's hard, but best to at least start to discuss these issues at this age the wait. Til real problems present at 10 or 12.

  3. ah that is just horrible for your daughter to have to go through this at such a young age.. I hope the day today is good and everyday until school is finished. I probably would have handled the situation the same as you, talk to the school and parents.. I worry about my daughter going to school in a couple of years and what it will bring to her. I am sure next year will be so much better!!

  4. My daughter has been bullied this year as well. She's in grade 3 and this boy repeated chased her and knocked her down on the playground and said very bad things. She talked to the teacher about him repeatedly and when he threatened physical harm, the principal became involved. The principal was amazing. He didn't take this lightly and did everything he could to make sure our DD was comfortable at a school. We too have requested that this boy not be in her class next year.

    Have you talked to the principal? What has the school said that they would to do ensure that your daughter feels safe and comfortable at school?
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  5. Wow honestly, at that age… I'm really against intimidation in all its forms and this is really bad, especially at this age. I hope the best for your child.

  6. My personal experiences with bullying began at age seven, but I still find it hard to think of a four year old being so persistently mean. While I feel bad for your daughter, my heart also goes out to this other kid who obviously has some huge issues. I think the most important this here is, the school is aware of the issue, the little girl's parents are aware of the issue. Beyond that there's not really much you can do. It's sort of out of your hands.

  7. 🙁 try to get through the next two weeks and hopefully next year is better. The summer will be a nice break for your daughter and hopefully things change with the cute little monster on the bus.
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  8. Nena Sinclair says

    Aww, I feel so bad for your little girl! The sad thing is, that if this little bully doesn't get help, she'll escalate and just get worse.. No child should ever have to go through what she's putting your daughter thru!

  9. I feel bad for you and your daughter. I had a bully in SK! She used to blackmail me if she saw me doing something "bad"…saying she was going to tell the teacher if I didn't buy her gum!!! I was 5 years old at the time and I'm now almost 40 and STILL remember this girl vividly. Little bitch….sorry. My son starts JK this September and his birthday is in the later months of the year so he too will be smaller, like your daughter. I'm fully prepared to deal with bullying like you have (talking to the principal, teacher and parents). I don't know what else you can do except maybe if the problem starts with the bus, maybe driving her to school instead of using the bus. My son lives close so I will be walking him there and picking him up each day. Good luck! At least there are only 2 more weeks left of school.

  10. Oh how my heart breaks for your DD! My DD had the same issue with a little boy in JK (she's in grade 1 now) to the extent of being kicked in the face, hit etc and to make it worse my DD has Selective Mutism and can't speak to adults in the school setting so wasn't able to tell anyone about it until I picked her up from school. The school was completely unaware of what was happening.
    The mom was able to come into the school to be with her son each day and even then the school/mom had a hard time with him due to behavioural issues.
    Now that DD is in grade 1 – the problem is still there (not physical) with a grade 3 student who thinks my DD is an easy target because she won't tell the teachers – she does tell me and I will always be her advocate to make sure the bullies are being 'outed' for their behaviour!

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