40 things I hate about 40

Last July when I turned 40 I had major anxiety. I had never really  had that kind of reaction to an age before. It was like I was suddenly more aware of my future and the past all at once. I stared feeling a few aches and the year was rough for losses. For a while there it seemed every celebrity I grew up watching was passing away. The more I thought about turning forty, the more stressed I became. So I decided to accept it and embrace it. There is nothing I can do to turn back time, so I really had no choice. But to be honest, I am not a fan of forty. I actually kind of hate it.

Now I am looking at 41 and not feeling the stress about my age. I have had a whole year to manage my anxiety with this new F word.

On one hand I feel more settled and confident than I ever have. My life is in a good spot. I feel like we are moving forward and not stuck or going backwards in our goals. My children are healthy and my husband and I have been together for 20 years. Each year uniquely different but all pretty great. I do not want to be in my twenties anymore, not even my thirties. But this forty something life is a challenge. it is a mental challenge for me and I am taking it one day at a time.

I wanted to share with you all the things I hate about 40. So many do not seem to get it. They do not understand my dislike for this age. But it is what it is.

You will never be as younger as you are now. Yet you are older than you have ever been at this moment.

40 Things I Hate About 40

1. I am not old
2. I am not young
3. I feel like I am midlife
4. My parents are getting older
5. My grandparents have all passed
6. My children are leaving the nest
7. My in-laws are aging and not doing well
8. Some of my friends have lost spouses
9. My hair is going grey
10. My body is changing
11. It is harder to lose weight
12. I can no longer stay up late
13. Being a responsible adult is tough some days
14. Some of my friends have split
15. Relatives and friends seem to pass away more rapidly
16. My youngest is 8 and growing too fast
17. People do not get my age related anxiety
18. I have anxiety
19. My skin is changing
20. I have grown apart from some friends
21. I have not spoken to my sis in over 2 years
22. I get annoyed pretty quick
23. My allergies are changing
24. I am done having babies
25. My hormones are changing
26. The songs I grew up with are now “oldies”
27. My grandparents passed away in their 70’s. I feel like I am rapidly getting closer to that age.
28. My memory is not what it use to be
29. My red hair is lightening up (more strawberry blonde than auburn)
30. My eyes are more sensitive
31. I empathize more with others. Not a bad thing but it makes me emotional
32. I am no longer the youngest mom at my kid’s school
33. I get IDed less
34. Wrinkles, stretchmarks and freckles seem to be popping up everywhere.
35. People always tell me how great 40 is
36. When I get the cold or flu it is horrible
37. Trusting people is harder
38. I think a lot about the past and decisions I made. Did I do the right thing?
39. I worry more about the future than I ever have
40. My kids think I am old

I have so many mixed feelings about this age. I see many friends approaching 40 and having mixed feelings. You feel good for the most part. But you  are more aware of life and how delicate it is. You learn to not sweat the small things, cut out the crap and live every moment to the fullest. But worry and prepare more for the future. The unknown seems to be what worries me most.

I have been embracing life and doing things I would not normally do. Stepping out of my comfort zone and taking risks more. Hoping the rest of my forties get easier.

If you have anxiety or worries about turning 40, I would love to hear about it below. I get every day is a gift and many love this age. But we are not all the same so please respect the feelings of others.